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Ecuador's Greeklish
Jokes : Part 1
1. Ninja
Mia grioula perpata sto dromo kai ksafnhka perna kapoios me mia mhxanh kai ths klebei thn tsanda. Fwnazei boh8eia kai pragmatika apo mia gwnia pio katw petagetai enas prasinos, maskoforemenos typos arpazei ton klefth kai ton stamata. Pairnei thn tsanda kai thn epistrefei sth grioula.
Tote h grioula: -Na se kala gioka mou gia to kalo pou mou ekanes. Alh8eia pws se lene?
-Xelwnoninjaki apanda aytos
-Aaa wraia, leei h grioula, eisai kai krhtikos!
2. Sintomo
Ti pernaei apo to mialo enos entomou ti stigmi pou sigkrouetai me to barbriz enos autokinitou pou trexei me illigiodi taxutita?
O Kolos tou........
3. Alia
Htan ena albanaki sto sxoleio poy to legane Alia. Thn prwth mera h daskala gia na gnwrisei ta paidia, toys shkwne kai ta rwtage to onoma toys kai thn katagwgh toys. Shkwnetai o Kwstakhs: Me lene Kwstakh kai eimai apo thn Kalamata. Shkwnetai h Elenitsa: Me lene Elenitsa kai eimai apo th Thessaloniki. Shkwnetai o Alia: Me lene Alia kai eimai apo thn Albania.
Skeftetai gia ligo h daskala kai gia na mhn exei problhmata to paidi toy leei: "Koita, epeidh edw merikoi den toys xwneyoyn toys Albanoys, tha les oti se lene Hlia kai oti eisai apo thn Drama. Entajei?" - "Entajei", eipe o Alia.
To brady poy paei o Alia spiti toy, h mhtera toy toy fwnazei: - ALIA! ELA NA FAS. - Mama, den me lene Alia. Me lene Hlia kai eimai apo th Drama. - TI EKANE LEEI? TI EIPES RE KWLOPAIDO? (xastoykia, klwtsies, mpoynies) Paei argotera sto saloni o Alia na dei thleorash. O pateras toy toy leei: - ALIA! FERE MOY THS PANTOFLES MOY! - Mapmpa, den me lene Alia. Me lene Hlia kai eimai apo th Drama. - TI EKANE LEEI? TI EIPES RE KWLOPAIDO? (jylo, sfaliares klp)
Thn allh mera sto sxoleio, meta thn proseyxh, h daskala koitaei ton Alia poy htan mayros apo to jylo: - Paidi moy, ti epathes? Ti egine? - Asta kyria, xtes to brady me deiran kati albanoi!
4. O Mermigas kai o Tzitzikas
Einai Anoijh, o mermhgkas spernei ta xwrafia toy, erxetai o tzitzikas kai leei ston mermhgka: ela na pame gia kafe twra poy exei wraia mera. Leei o mermhgkas den mporw prepei na proetoimastw gia to xeimwna. Paei kalokairi 8erizei o mermhgkas erxetai o tzitzikas me ena wind-surfing kai toy leei ela na [pame gia mpanio. Leei o mermhgkas den mporw prepei na proetoimastw gia to xeimwna. Paei f8inopwro mazeye jyla o mermhgkas erxetai kai toy leei o tztitzikas ela na pame mia ekdromh, Leei o mermhgkas den mporw prepei na proetoimastw gia to xeimwna. Paei xeimwnas, kryo kako, o mermhgkas mesa sto spiti toy sth zesth, toy xtypaei thn porta o tzitzikas koybalwntas pedila toy ski kai toy leei ela na pame gia ski, leei o mermhgkas ase bariemai, leei o tzitzikas ela re mhn bariesai, leei o mermhgkas kala alla an deis ton Aiswpo pes toy oti GAM**TAI !.
5. Paradise
Treis andres pe0ainoyn kai pane ston paradeiso. Ekei, o Agios Petros pairnei ton ka0ena ksexwrista gia na dei an kanei gia ton Paradeiso.
Rwtaei ton prwto pws pe0ane kai aytos toy leei: - Ypopteyomoyn apo kairo pws h gynaika moy me apatoyse opote eipa na gyrisw spiti nwris mia mera gia na th syllabw ep' aytoforw. Otan mphka sto spiti ayth htan sto mpanio. Epsaja pantoy na brw ton typo alla den ton brhka wspoy bghka sto balkoni. Ekei, ton eida na kremetai apo thn akrh toy mpalkonioy. Arxisa na xtypaw me ena sfyri ta xeria toy gia na pesei katw kai na tsakistei alla o kwlofardos epese se kati 0amnoys kai htan akomh zwntanos. Opote sernw kai egw to psygeio ejw kai toy to petaw katakefala. Ystera omws eixa typseis kai aytoktonhsa.
O Agios Petros ta psiloepaije me mia toso koyfh istoria kai phge ston deytero typo poy perimene: - Egw hmoyn sto mpalkoni moy kai opws koitoysa katw zalisthka kai epesa. Omws eytyxws, peytontas piasthka apo to mpalkoni toy apo katw moy. Omws o apo katw me eide kai irthe me ena sfyri kai me barage gia na pesw. Otan epesa, den pe0ana giati prosgeiw0hka se kati 0amnoys kai san na mhn eftane ayto moy petaje ena psygeio sto kefali skotwnontas me epi topoy.
Kai paei o Agios Petros kai ston trito typo:
- Fantasoy twra skhniko... Krybomai se ena psygeio.........
6. I Ahladia
Htan enas typos kai eixe anebei se mia axladia gia na klepsei axladia. Ton blepei o idiokthths ths axladias, trexei kai ton pianei apo ta arxidia (me to sympathio).
-Poios eisai re ? tou leei. Kamia apanthsh.
-Pes mou poios eisai re pousth fwnazei neyriasmenos kai tou sfiggei ta arxidia perissotero. Pali kamia apanthsh.
-POIOS EISAI RE POUSTH!!! ourliazei sfiggontas tou ta arxidia polu dunata. kai pali kamia apanthsh.
-THA MOU PEIS POIOS EISAI !@*%!@# 'H THA SOU KSERIZOSW TA ARXIDIA!!!
Aakougetai mia spasth fwnh : -O .. g.i..w..r..g..os.
-POIOS GIWRGOS ?
-O ...m..o..u..g...o..s.
7. Oi istories tou kinigou
Einai enas kunhgos kai dihgeitai se mia parea, se ena kafeneio:
-Eimai pou lete sto dasos, me thn karampina sto xeri kai blepw ena terastio elafi. Stamatw, shmadeuw kala kai to petyxainw sto kefali. Paw konta kai syneidhtopoiw oti den mporw na to koubalhsw. Ti na kanw, bgazw to maxairi mou, kobw ena mpouti kai to fortwnomao ston omo. Parakatw, allo elafi pio megalo apo to prwto, megalo san elefantas. To skotwnw, alla epeidh pali den mporousa na to parw oloklhro, ekopsa kai apo auto ena mpouti kai to fortw8hka kai auto. Phgaina loipon, me ta dyo mpoutia, ena se ka8e omo otan...
- E, Giwrgo, thlefwno! ton diakoptei o magazatoras. - Mia stigmh re paidia erxomai...
Otan epistrefei rwta: - Loipon, pou eixa meinei; - Sta mpoutia. tou lene oi alloi.
- Kai ths rixnw pou lete paidia ths gkomenas enan poutso!!!
8. I ekdikisi tou kinezou
Enas Kinazos ka8etai amerimnos se ena bar. Xafnika bainei mesa ena gomari amerikanos kai skontaftei epanw tou. Ekneyrismenos o amerikanos tou spaei th mapa. O kinezos feugontas apo to bar leei - Kinezo feugei alla ta ekdikitei... O amerikanos skeftetai "kala sta arxidia mas"
Omws to brady pou paei o amerikanos na koimeithei xypnaei mesa ston ypno tou me mia terastia kotrona sto stomaxi. Ostoso i kotrona eixe mia epigrafh epanw pou egrafe: "Ekdikish kinezou No 1-Petra sto stomaxi"
Skeftetai o amerikanos ti malakies einai aytes malaka kineze kai petaei thn petra apo to mpalkoni. Opos epefte h petra o amerikanos blepei ena sxoini na xetiligetai mesa apo to batzaki tou me ena xartaki epanw pou egrafe : "Ekdikish kinezou No2-To dexi sou arxidi einai demeno panw sthn petra".
Ox aman leei o amerikanos ti na kanw ti na kanw kai phdaei apo to balkoni mazi me thn petra Opote kathws epefte ksepetagetai ena trito xartaki pou egrafe
"Ekdikish kinezou No3-To aristero sou arxidi einai demeno sto balkoni"
9. Koufala Germane
Se ena koupe enos trenou tyxainei na kathontai apo th mia meria enas Ellhnas kai enas Germanos kai apo thn allh mia gria 80 xronwn kai mia eikosaxronh gkomenara me ena super mini kai poly proklitikh. Ola ayta ta atoma den eixan kamia sxesh metaksi tous. Aplws etyxe na brethoun mazi. Olh thn wra o Ellhnas kai o Germanos etrwgan thn gomena me ta matia tous, alla den tolmousan na kanoun kati logw ths grias. Se kapoia stigmh to traino mpainei se ena tounel kai tote mesa sto bathy skotadi:
SPLATSSS !!!!! akougetai o hxos mias sfaliaras...
Skeftetai loipon o Ellhnas: O atimos o Germanos brhke thn eykairia twra me to skotadi, ebale xeri sth mikrh, kai ayth toy erikse sfaliara!
Skeftetai o Germanos: O poustis o Ellhnas ebale xeri sth mikrh ...ki efaga EGW th sfaliara!!
Skeftetai h gomena: Kapoios apo aytoys toys malakes phge na balei xeri se mena, to ebale kata lathos sth GRIA kai h gria toy erikse sfaliara!!!
Skeftetai kai h gria: Koufala Germane ... APO THN KATOXH STH XRWSTOUSA !!!!!!!!!
10. I kira Eleni
Mia hlikiwmenh kyria onomati Elenh apofasizei sta genethlia twn 80 ths, na fwna3ei tis files ths na to giortasoun. Epeidh 3exnaei omws poly analamvanei na thn organwsei h korh ths. Ths etoimazei loipon ta diafora glyka, kafedes, tsagia, mpiskota, keiks, klp, kai ths kollaei ena shmeiwma sthn porta tou psygeiou opou egrafe me poia seira tha eprepe na vgazei h mhtera ths ta edesmata pros tis files ths, gia na mhn ta 3exnaei. Kai to shmeiwma elege me thn seira ta e3hs:
1. kafes 2. mpiskota 3. keik 4. tsai
Erxontai oi files, kathontai, kai meta apo ligo h oikodespoina phgainei sthn porta tou psygeiou kai vlepei: 1. kafes. Etoimazei tous kafedes kai tous servirei. Perna ligh wra, kai 3anapaei sto psygeio, vlepei to xartaki, exei 3exasei ti tous evgale prin, diavazei: 1. kafes. Etoimazei pali tous kafedes, kai tous 3anaservirei. Perna kamposh wra kai 3anashkwnetai na paei pros to shmeiwma na dei ti prepei na kanei. 3anavlepei: 1. Kafes Kai tous pasarei pali kafe
Perna to vrady opou tis exei potisei me dekades kafedes, kai shkwnontai oi files na fygoun.
Sto asanser leei h mia sthn allh: - Mwre, oute enan kafe den evgale h Elenh !!!
Apanta h allh: - Pou thn thymhthhkes pali afthn??
.................................
Erxetai argotera kapoia stigmh h korh ths Elenhs. - Pws ta perasate mhtera me tis files ? ola kala? kai h Elenh:
- Mpaaaa, oute pou fanhkan!!
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